Jan 21 2010
The Monarch's Falsities
by Vlad

First of all, if you have a Facebook account, and you haven't BECOME A FAN OF SLAM DUMB, there's something wrong with you. If you prefer MySpace, you're an asshole.



Now, onto business...



LeBron James is not a man of his word. Actually, I might as well just go out and call him a lying bastard, because that's what he is.





That video is evidence that he's a liar. The bastard thing... well, I guess that's kind of irrelevant and more of a personal family thing, but it's still true.



Who the heck wants to watch Gerald Wallace, Nate Robinson, Shannon Brown, and some no-name compete in some crappy meaningless competition? I want to see LeBron James compete in some crappy meaningless competition! You wanna know why? Because then it wouldn't be as crappy and meaningless! In fact, it could be kind of cool.



Who am I even supposed to root for this time around? Shannon Brown is a Laker -- and I hate Lakers, Gerald Wallace looks like a llama -- and I hate llamas, and then there's Nate Robinson -- and I hate Nate Robinson. I guess I'll be rooting for the no-name.



There's speculation that LeBron doesn't want to compete unless some other big stars join the fray, because then he wouldn't look like he's beating up a bunch of six year olds. Shaq even said that he would have his 'client' join the competition if Kobe Bryant, Vince Carter, or some other players who actually matter decide to enter. You know, I agree that watching LeBron take a piss on Gerald Wallace wouldn't be the greatest thing ever, but it sounds a lot more entertaining to me than watching Nate Robinson do his midget-crap-shit again (I can't stand his midget-crap-shit!). And, regardless of anything, LeBron said he'd be there, so he should freaking be there.



As for Bryant, Carter, Wade, Howard, Anthony, and all the other people who could meet Shaq's standards, they should stop being cowards too. Seriously, that's what they all are. If any of these players were 100% sure they wouldn't screw up and that their participation would only make them more popular/look more badass, they would enter in a heartbeat. I'm sure that, deep down inside, LeBron is scared that no-name will have a better dunking performance than him, and that's why he's not going to be there. If the other players in the competition were superstars, losing would be less embarrassing. But LeBron didn't say he would enter if other superstars do. There's no excuse.



You know, as soon as LeBron announced that he would be in the competition, I wrote up a hilarious comic that my brother and I would have put together in time for the All-Star weekend. Now, it's a wasted idea, and that's really frustrating.



If only LeBron weren't such a lying coward. Did I just write that about one of my favorite players!? Damn! I wish it wasn't so true.



Make sure to BECOME A FAN a fan of my friend, Emii, and check out her MYSPACE PAGE. This girl is a an amazing talent and a total badass (she has a freaking purple belt!).



Emii


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-Vlad


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