Earlier this summer, the Phoenix Suns refused to sign some ass-garbage to a max contract. Since then, they've acquired a stinky, hairy Turk and some greasy Greek with an afro. Also, they managed to grab Hakim Warrik, who's a lot like Hakeem Olajuwon, except that he has an 'i' instead of two 'e's in his name and he doesn't know how to play basketball. It'll be interesting to see how Steve Nash manages these boobs, but he's had to lead even more despicable casts in the past, so I'm sure he'll manage.
Meanwhile, in the East, Dwyane Wade has been trying to make up for saying that he, James, and Bosh make up "arguably the best trio to ever play the game"... despite the fact that they haven't played a game yet. He called the Lakers, "the team to beat," showing that he's still capable of acting humble. LeBron James also tried to show how humble he's capable of being by cancelling his two-and-a-half-hour television special on his decision on which mansion to buy in Miami (he wants a yellow one).
Wade also got some criticism for making a comment that criticized people who compare watching a basketball team lose to watching the World Trade Center collapse. Those criticizers are now getting criticized for criticizing Wade, because they misquoted his criticism. So, who's going to criticize those criticizers who are criticizing the criticizers of Wade's criticism? I guess I'll have to... those people are jerks.
James and Bosh aren't the only idiots moving to Miami. Mike Miller has joined the bunch in order to fill in the 'white shooter' position that every superteam needs. Udonis Haslem decided to pass up a lot of money to continue playing under the shadow of players that make him look embarrassingly fat (he would look just fine surrounded by, say, the Clippers or the Timberwolves, because those teams don't have the finances to afford personal trainers. The Celtics are pretty fat too, but I can't make up any excuses for them).
In actually recent news, Chris Paul has announced that he wants to be traded. God damnit! First Katrina, now this?? (Eat that, Wade!) His desired destinations include the New York Knicks and the Orlando Magic. Let's take a look at how he could affect both teams:
The New York Knicks with CP3: One of the best point guards in the NBA teamed up with Amar'e Stoudemire and coached by Mike D'Antoni? Sounds familiar, but also doesn't sound like more than enough to get past the conference finals (and, even if it is, Stern is bound to suspend Stoudemire for mildly reacting to Mike Miller body-checking Chris Paul, ruining the whole freaking season). Let's look to the future, though, when Carmelo Anthony becomes a free agent and inevitably goes to New York. That'll give D'Antoni a core of Paul, Anthony, and Stoudemire, which could potentially challenge Miami for the 2012 title. Let's get real, though. We all know that Carmelo is, at best, the third most talented player from the '03 draft bunch (behind Wade and Darko), and Stoudemire is easily the most sucky superstar in the league (not considering Joe Johnson a superstar). Paul says he wants to win in the immediate future, and, with the Knicks, he'll have to wait a year to have a crummy chance.
The Orlando Magic with CP3: Chris Paul and Dwight Howard. Sounds like an unstoppable duo, right? Well, that's how I felt before watching The Forbiddon Kingdom, but Jackie Chan and Jet Li just couldn't make up for how ridiculously irritating the white kid was. So, the question is, are Chris Paul and Dwight Howard badass enough to make up for how annoying J.J. Redick is? If so, they might have a serious shot at taking down Miami's trio of superfucks. At the very least, Paul and Howard can be to the Heat what Stockton and Malone were to the Bulls: memorable runner-ups.
I'm sending a Shout Out! to an old friend of mine and my brother's, Derek McClasky, who posted the following picture (and caption) on his facebook page...
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-Vlad
