Slam Dumb's (Fake) Interview with Magic Johnson

SD: Thanks for joining us, Magic. It's an honor.

Magic: Glad to be here!

SD: So, how do you think the Christmas game went for the Lakers?

Magic: It was embarrassing. I haven't been this ashamed of my team since that whole buttrape incident.

SD: Right. How did you feel while watching the game?

Magic: I felt a lot like I did when I contracted HIV.

SD: You mean, it felt like cheating on your wife with a bunch of Thai hookers?

Magic: No, I meant when I found out I contracted HIV. The Thai hookers were awesome.

SD: So, if the game went that badly, why are you still smiling?

Magic: I'm always smiling.

SD: But why?

Magic: Well, it's a well known fact that it takes less muscles to smile than to frown, so it was easier to design a full-time smiling mechanism than any other type of physical emotion system.

SD: What??

Magic: Physical emotion system. It helps me look human.

SD: Wait? Are you a robot or something?

Magic: Yes, I am a robot.

SD: No way? That's impossible!

Magic: What are you talking about? I contracted HIV almost 20 years ago. Me still being alive would be impossible.

SD: That's a good point, I guess.

Magic: Yeah. I died like two years after Freddie Mercury, who refused to have his memories and personality put into a cybernetic body.

SD Interesting. Getting back to basketball, though, how do you feel about the Laker's chances now?

Magic: Based on their performance lately, they have a 32.6% chance of winning.

SD: That's still pretty high.

Magic: Does not compute!!

SD: Huh? What?

Magic: Ha! Just screwing with you, dude.

SD: So, you're not a robot?

Magic: I am, but robots don't say stupid shit like 'does not compute'. We're not retarded.