Alright, let's look at this subjectively: While Shaquille O'Neal still isn't the player he used to be, and while he'll still need quite a lot of work if he hopes to get himself in good enough shape to truly run with the Suns, I think we can all agree that the big man has, at least, finally redeemed himself as a rapper. That was a beautiful freestyle. Hopefully someone will have the sense to get Shaq back in the recording studio so I can get this masterpiece in high quality!
By the way, I wasn't able to find an accurate transcript of the rap online, so I edited someone else's. These lyrics should be pretty dead on (now you can sing along, the way I do)...
Check it, You know how I be
Last week Kobe couldn't do without me
You know how I be
Last Week Kobe couldn't do without me
I call myself big, but I'm not as good as Biggie
I call myself big, cuz I live next to Diddy
Excuse me, Diddy live next to me, so in the hood dawg I feel like B I G
Cuz if Biggie was still here, he would be right there, on star island in a mansion somewhere
chillin, sitting on about half a billion, cuz me and gunz can buy shit that's half a billion
For real dawg, now that's B I G, and there ain't nobody in the world do it bigger than me
That's like a white boy trying to be more nigga than me
That's like a homeless cat having more fingers than me
That's like Patrick Ewing having more rings than me
That's like rappers having cars [unintelligible] than me
That's like you saying to yourself you're better than me
That's like Kareem saying to himself he's better than me
Now stop, think about that, it aint about that. Its about B I G a.k.a. Big Shaq
Now that's the difference between first and last place
Kobe, nigga, Tell me how my ass tastes
Okay, Kobe, Tell me how my ass tastes
Okay, Everybody, Kobe Tell me how my ass tastes
I'm a horse, Kobe ratted me out, that's why I'm getting divorced
He said Shaq gave a bitch a mil. I don't do that cause my name Shaquille
I love em, but I don't leave em' I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed them
Kobe, how my ass tastes
Everybody, Kobe how my ass tastes
Yeah, you couldn't do without me
Kobe, You couldn't do without me
Kobe, You can't do without me
Everybody, Kobe, Tell how my ass tastes
Yeah, You can't do without me
Yeah, You can't do without me
Yeah, You can't do without me
Everybody, Kobe, Tell how my ass tastes
Yeah...
For me, this freestyle surpasses Shaq's Kazaam rap as the greatest Shaq rap ever. In fact, it even beats out the Spanish version:
I didn't think anything could get better than that! Perhaps my dream of having a Shaq videogame that's even better than Shaq Fu will also come true someday?
A Quick Comment on the USA Olympic Roster
Carmelo Anthony, Carlos Boozer, Chris Bosh, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, LeBron James, Jason Kidd, Chris Paul, Tayshaun Prince, Michael Redd, Dwyane Wade, and Deron Williams. That's a lot of good players, but, with the exception of Tayshaun Prince (who's probably the worst one on the roster), none of these guys have won a championship without Shaq. Now that's scary! We have no evidence that any of them can do without Shaq. Before you know it, these guys might be tasting Argentina's ass again.
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-Vlad